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Title: Leo's Confession Leo's Confession: I love her. It was never a question if I loved her. True in the beginning it was that of a whitelighter in love with his charge, but it grew quickly beyond that. I knew that it was wrong all those years ago before she knew she was a witch. When she started to grow into a young woman that was when I really took notice. The zits on her face were vanishing and she was becoming more comfortable with herself. Although to say that it was her beauty on the outside that drew me would be an outright lie. It was the transformations on the inside I was growing in love with. When she started feeling better about herself on the outside, her heart, mind, and soul grew. To be able to witness it was a blessing. She was so beautiful and I fell in love. I fell hard. I knew that when she discovered who I was that I would have to keep my emotions in check, but I also knew that it didn't matter. Not then. Hell not even now. As long as I was with her that was what mattered. The Charmed Ones were always different. I don't mean in the fact that they were more powerful and the fulfillment of a great prophecy, but because they didn't know their destiny. All of my other charges knew they were witches. Therefore hiding my identity wasn't really an issue. However, I knew that once the sisters got their powers introducing myself was going to be hard. They didn't trust many people and I understood that. I didn't want them to trust many people until they could handle their powers better. Of course this also gave me a chance to get my feelings in check without Piper knowing. For a little while it was okay I could handle it, but soon it was getting difficult. I was flattered that both Phoebe and Piper found me attractive, but Piper was the one that I wanted, had wanted, and knew I would never have. Life would have been easier if I had fallen for Phoebe. She would have dumped me and it would have been over with quickly. It didn't happen that way though. Their powers affect me yes, but I can get around their spells. I wasn't going to forget that kiss. And I didn't either. Of course I knew that it was wrong, but that didn't stop me from going beyond a kiss with her either. I have no resistance to Piper. I never did. I knew the Elders would have a fit. I was one of their favorites. For nearly sixty years I had been good, strong, and went down the right path. One woman and I was willing to give all of it up. I had never felt that way about anyone. Not even Lillian. Oh I loved Lillian and thought myself in love with her, but it didn't compare to what I had and wanted with Piper. It wasn't very long though when the Elders had figured out what was going on and they took me away. Their threatening me hadn't worked so they said they would make it more difficult for Piper and I caved at that moment. No harm was to ever come to Piper. I still remember that moment when she told me she loved me for the first time. I can't describe it. There are no words that come close to the elation I felt. Of course I should have known that with that moment would come the worst heartache I knew. I was willing to give it up for her, but she wouldn't let me. I understood what she was giving up because I was giving it up, but in the dark places in me I was angry with her for doing it. Still my more rational side and pacifistic nature won out and I understood and was okay with it. Until Dan. Dan's a good guy. He thought he did research on me? That was nothing compared to what I learned about him. There was only one time in my history that I have ever hated. That was on December 7th, 1941. I hated the Japanese. Dan has come a very close second to that and on some days even surpassed it. He was involved with Piper. My Piper. No matter how wrong that statement may seem. I was born in the twenties true, but never in the history of the world, even today, has there ever been a time when a man or woman didn't think that the other belonged to them. Piper was mine. She belonged to me. To say I was pissed would be understatement. To say I was upset would be an understatement, but once again my rational side prevailed. I would let Dan have her if that made her happy. I would give her up to Dan. I would not relinquish my control as their whitelighter though. The Elders and I fought each other on the issue, but I couldn't do it. I looked like I had relinquished to them, but I was still there watching. Always making sure she and her sisters were safe. Oh yes I knew it was a form of punishment to myself, but the thought of not seeing her hurt far worse. Call me a wimp if you will, but we are all fools in love. Then she almost died. I almost died with her. I would NOT let that happen, rules be damned. I was more than willing to suffer the consequences of saving her. That never once bothered me. Watching her with Dan while I was mortal now that bothered me. Not to the point where I would go away, but enough to make it very uncomfortable for all involved. Then the past lives issue came into play. I had nearly forgotten about that. Or tried to. If she only knew why she chose Dan all those years ago she would die where she stood. So I have never told her. Nor would I subject myself to relive that pain. I remember when I was murdered then and all I had felt was bliss at finally dieing. I really don't like to think about it. That was the turning point for us. When she told me she had chosen me you could have knocked me over with a feather and I would have flown away with the joy. I really am a sap... I knew that it would be difficult with me being a whitelighter again, but I was more than willing to make it work. I would never have us end in divorce. Never... talk about something that comes back to bite me in the ass. First, before I became a whitelighter, I thought I would never have children. Lillian didn't want children at that time and I respected that. When I was at war I knew I would never have children. Yet here is Wyatt, my son. Then after I became a whitelighter I never thought that I would be that good. Yet I was. I was surprised by how naturally it all came to me. Then I never thought that I would be the Charmed Ones whitelighter. Everyone talked about what a great honor it would be to be chosen for that position, and I agreed but I knew it would never be me. Then Prue was born. They assigned me to her for when she got older. Then Piper was born I was to be hers as well. Then Phoebe was born and suddenly everyone including myself figured out that I was going to be the whitelighter to the Charmed Ones. Oh and then the mother of all nevers, I never thought I would fall in love with one of my charges. SO you see, I should have learned by now that when I say never that it doesn't mean never. For everything I said would never happen happened. Except for one thing. I have NEVER stopped loving Piper and then Wyatt. To stop loving my family? It's impossible. My love for Piper might change, but I will not stop loving her. That is final. I know that we fought hard for our relationship. In my mind it was worth fighting for. I know Piper saw it as a struggle and that it was hard on her, but I also knew that deep down she felt the same way. Her relationship with her father had deeply scarred her. Victor thinks he has the right to despise me because of Sam, but I have more of a right to hate him for what he did to not only Piper but her sisters as well. My witches, my Charmed Ones, have extreme abandonment issues. Paige is the most well adjusted one of the bunch, but even she too has lingering sentiments from when her parents died. Still Piper's issues are worse than that of her sisters. Prue took on the abandonment issues by taking control of life. She was the dominate force and being forced to grow up at such a young age she was ready for sacrifice. Especially when it came to love. Prue is still one of the strongest people I know dead or alive. She's not a force that anyone wants to reckon with. Phoebe pretended to let guys in. Very few people have been able to really see the real Phoebe that she keeps locked up. She has a tender heart, but she's able to push it aside when it is needed. Piper feels it all.
She loves so strongly and loyally that when she is betrayed it is hard for
her to move past it. Victor's departure left her breaking inside and
hoping that he would return. Meanwhile it scarred her by making her
think that when someone left it was her fault. That somehow she was
responsible. She still feels responsible for Prue's death to this
day. She also thinks that in a way she pushed me to becoming an
Elder as well. I know she doesn't trust me right now. After
all I left her like the others did. If there was a way to convince
her that if I could choose her I would I would do it in a heartbeat.
However, there is no way. I hate that her heart is broken because of
me. It hurts. To feel her pain and know I caused it? It
hurts deeply, but I don't have a choice. The minute I do I have no
doubt that I will choose Piper. I always have. Even in death I
will choose her. |
