Piper's Confession:

My Leo. I've always referred to him as that. As mine. Yes he was our (my sisters and mine) whitelighter, but beyond that he was still mine.  Will always be mine. I'm not a possessive person. Usually. But when I met Leo I knew he was different. I was a little worried that Phoebe liked him, not because she had a better chance of landing him better than I could, but because she would go out with him once and then dump him. I cared about him even back then. There was just something about him. Some type of warmth that surrounded me whenever I was near him. Something I wanted and to a degree needed.

My father's leaving had a profound effect on all of us.  I know it to be true that your relationship to your father is very important.  Especially if you are a girl.  You date men based upon your father's personality and demeanor.  That was why Leo was so important to me.  Still is important to me.  He was everything I needed in a man all rolled up in one.  He was my best friend, my lover, my strength, and yet he was my whitelighter.  Someone sent to help guide and council.  Although he never exherted his authority over us in a harsh manner he did have a certain authority over us and we allowed him to have.  He was who we looked to when we were in trouble and to help us when we were going through difficulties.  In essence he took the place of our father and yet he was everything else that I needed a husband to be as well.

My father's leaving had been hardest on Prue. My Prue was loyal. Very loyal so when Dad left it was a betrayal to her. I always maintained hope after all I had friends that had parents who were divorced and they still got to see their dad, so I really wasn't too worried about it. Prue tried to be hopeful at first, but when reality hit us it was too much for her.  And as much as I tried to deny it I died a little then too.

So when I started dating I actually chose guys that were like my dad. Of course at the time they were the only ones I could get to date me. I wasn't exactly Ms. Perfect in high school. Living under Prue's shadow was tough.  Each of us had a different reaction to men. Prue became independent. She decided that no guy was really worth her time. Except Andy. Andy was the only one who could crack Prue. Or more precisely the only one Prue would allow to crack her. Phoebe who didn't really remember Dad and barely remembered Mom had a different approach. She used guys and then discarded them just as easily. She had a few guys that stuck, but that was only because they captured her attention. Guys that fascinated Phoebe she allowed to stay. Unfortunately it was always the bad guys that fascinated her.  Me, I was searching for someone who was opposite of Dad. I wanted someone who was loyal and would stick around. Someone who could handle me and still love me. I found him too.

Leo was everything that I had wanted in a guy. He was good looking, kind, thoughtful (most of the time), a good kisser, made me feel special, made me feel safe, and kept me honest. Then it all went to crap. A relationship that was tough from the beginning and unfortunately the ending. Still I love Leo. That fact will never change. Even when I was dating Dan that didn't change. I still feel a pang of guilt when I think about Dan. I used him. I didn't want to, but the road to hell and so on. The problem with Dan was that I was never in love with him. Oh I loved him yes, but I was never in love with him. Something that I don't think my sisters got. Whenever I was with Dan I couldn't forget Leo. Even when Leo wasn't around I just couldn't stop from thinking about him. When I was with Leo I forgot about Dan all together. Then when Leo saved me it became not complicated, but tiring. I knew I had to make a choice, but I didn't want to. I always knew who I would choose. Which should have kept me from going after Dan, but it never did.

Of course as much as I love Leo it was very, very hard at times to be with him. Sometimes I had to wonder why I fought so hard for us. Then there would be these moments that I was with him and I knew that as long as we fought together for what we believed in it would be alright. And it was.  When Prue died I thought I had lost everything. Prue was so much to me and to loose her... It still hurts to this day. I've moved on and I'm okay, but I still miss her. There is so much that I would love to talk with her about. Things that I know she knows, but I still want to talk to her...

Leo was my rock during that time. I was horrible to him at times and he  stuck by me. I couldn't believe it. I knew that he loved me, but when he stuck to my side during that horrible time period I knew beyond measure that he loved me. I will always Leo and if had nothing else I would always love him for being there for me the way he was then.

Once I was able to push past the pain I decided I wanted children. Something, to bring the happy family I once had back into the house. We were never perfect, but we were happy. I wanted that again and I wanted to do that with Leo. I knew he would make a wonderful father. I was right to. When I watch him with Wyatt I'm in awe. My precious son who looks so much like his dad that it's scary at times. My perfect family. 

I will always look back on that part of my life with fond memories. I was angry with Leo yes, but I also understood. He is the LOVE OF MY LIFE. That fact won't change. I might meet someone else and that is fine, but he will never take the place of Leo. He can't. Beyond the fact that Leo is the father and that he was there for me when Prue died he still holds my heart. Yes I can move on and maybe someday will, but there will never be anyone like Leo.

As a greater confession I know that he sometimes orbs in and lays on our bed.  If I ever get intimate with anyone else I'm going to have to get a new bed. This is our bed after all. I love that Leo still checks in on us. That he's there for Wyatt and in extension for me. When he orbs in I pretend to be asleep because he'll stop coming if I tell him that I know he's here. The hopeful part that thought my dad would come back is still there. It's just now that I'm hoping that some how Leo and I can be together again. I miss him terribly some days. I will forever love him and that is something that will never change. For today though I'll keep that confession to myself.